I had lost my wife to illness three years ago, I was completely devastated. Recovery had been slow going but since then, I have focused all of my time raising our two teenage daughters and working to keep our house and lives in order. Recently my close friends have been pushing me to go out and start dating again, and I don’t know if I can. My wife was the love of my life, I feel like I would be writing over those memories. Is it wrong to feel that way? How do I move on?

Dear Anonymous,

I am so sorry for your loss and I respect and admire you for your honesty and focused dedication to your young daughters.
I am sure your wife is lovingly looking down proudly.
Anonymous, I understand completely. A year and a half ago I lost someone I loved also. He was a very kind, loving, wonderful man and I miss his smile, our silly laughter and the way he made me feel protected and secure. I also have not been able to date and have decided I will take however long I want to move on. Grieving and healing are very personal and work in their own time, what someone may feel is the “appropriate time” may not feel that way to you. The one thing I do know is you will never be “writing over” the memories you have of your wife or your life together. Those memories are there to cherish forever and nothing will ever change that. However please realize that they are just that, unchangeable memories. At some point you will must place those loving memories in a special place and move forward to make new happy memories for yourself and your young daughters.
Anonymous, you are in no way wrong to feel the way you do. Don’t let anyone push you in to dating, you will know and make that decision when your ready. You are in control of your emotions and as well meaning as your friends may be, no one has the right to push you.

Good Luck & Huge Muther Hugs,

One Tough Muther

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