My mother passed away three weeks ago, she was 77. My father is left living in their home alone and a wreck.he misses her. 60 years of marriage is a long time. It’s a lot of work but someone is usually there daily to visit with him,so he’s not alone to much. the family takes turns. But my question is about this. My father says he see’s my mothers rocker rocking and creaking at night while he’s sitting to watch a show they favored and he thinks she’s waiting for him. He has also been very rushed and pushy to get finances together these past weeks, he keeps saying that if anything were to happen to him that he doesn’t want anything to be undone, he wants things settled. My sister and brother and I wonder if our father feels that he might pass soon, or that he hopes to pass soon.thats not something that you want to ask your father. Honestly his health is much much worse than my mothers was. Can people ask (whoever-maybe, God?) to pass on and or can they sense that they are leaving soon? I think so.

Dear Sharon,

Yes, I truly believe that people have a sense of what’s to come. I know of several cases where either the husband has passed because he is grief stricken over the loss of his wife or vice versa. I know of two of these cases most recently and first hand.
A dear friend’s mother passed away and my friend’s father, completely heart broken passed one month to the day after. Then another friend’s father passed and the seemingly healthy 68 year old mother had a massive stroke and passed 6 months later.
These cases are not uncommon to hear of. There is actual scientific studies showing heart broken feeling are very, very strong. It is very hard to say what your father is thinking unless you do speak to him.
When my Dad was dying of cancer we spoke openly one fall afternoon as we rocked on a swing I bought for him and my Mother.
He said “I know you will take care of your Mother and watch after her but I wanted to tell you, don’t ever be afraid to die because I will be waiting right there for you and we will all be back together” which made me think he knew his time was very close. For a long time after dad passed my Mother would say she would wake up early mornings and hear dad in the bathroom brushing his teeth before work, like she’s heard for 53 years. She said she felt comforted as she fell back to sleep. He of course was not there in body but he may have been in spirit. I believe there is much that we do not know about the energy our beings hold on to after death, so it is impossible to say anything definitively.
However, as you know your Father is grieving and misses your Mother. So maybe she is rocking to comfort him. Regardless you are doing the right thing to keep him busy and visit him.
I’ll be honest the next time he’d mention the rocker rocking I’d say, “Dad, Mom is there watching with you as always, she wants you to know she will be with you forever and will never leave your side.” Maybe that will help him slow down a bit on his preparations and feel comforted.

Sharon, I am truly sorry for your loss. I am sorry for the loss and lost feeling your Father feels as well. May he find comfort with the knowledge that he is loved and not ever really alone.

Huge Muther Hugs,

One Tough Muther

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