Dear otm,

June 4th 2014 my friend from my childhood past away in a car accident. I was not able to attend the viewing or funeral but planned on sending a card. Well that didn’t happen either. I think I was scared to except the fact that she was gone and maybe it was harder to except than I thought. Truth be told if I really wanted to attend the viewing or funeral I may have been able to find a way to go. I have so much regret now. Is it to late to send a card? I’m not sure how I’d find out where to send it though. or is it ok to find out where she is buried and say my goodbyes that way?

Dear Madeline,

Grief and pain are very private. Some people find it ceremony, to go to all funerals and viewings without a thought and others like you and I, find it very, very difficult. Going to the events is to pay your respects to the family and the persons loved ones as well as to say your final goodbyes to the deceased. It is certainly not to late to write a heart felt message in a card and send it to the family. I’m sure someone will know where they live or maybe you can find it from the funeral home or newspaper on line.
As far as going to visit her grave and saying good bye, yes that is a wonderful way to get closure. It will give you a few private moments without everyone there to talk to her which may help you feel much better. The funeral home will have posted on their site where she is buried and if they don’t call them.
Madeline, remember people handle things especially death in different ways. There is no right or wrong. Don’t delay send a card and you will feel relieved that you did.

Huge Muther Hugs,

One Tough Muther

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