Yes I was one of those woman who met a man online and “dated” him for a long time without ever meeting him. I fell in love with his personality and in his pictures he is just so gorgeous, it was hard not to fall hard for him. I begged him for a very long time to meet up, we have even scheduled get togethers but it always seemed that something came up for it to never come together. Well we finally met and he is not the buff, 6 foot in shape man in his pictures. His face is his, the same as the pictures but he is 350 pounds. Extremely obese. I’m sorry to say but I can’t get past it. Yes his personality is AMAZING, though in person he is a bit more reserved but I am not sure if I can build a love & attraction to this man . This makes me sick to my stomach to be THAT girl. Shallow and only seeing his weight but It’s hard . For a year I was talking to this man with an athletes body , now to this ? I feel betrayed too, why couldn’t he just be honest. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here.
As you know you’ve been duped and it sucks, but you must be honest. It is not shallow in any way to not be physically or mentally attracted to someone who appears to be nice and kind. Here a brief comparison; I dated a guy who was gorgeous but couldn’t hold a normal conversation. When we first met briefly he played himself off as an open minded, equal rights, honest guy. The first meeting was brief he got my number and called me. I was very excited t meet him for dinner, until he opened his mouth. This Dude was a complete sexist, close minded and down and out creep. BUT he was extremely handsome. regardless of his looks I had no interest in ever seeing him again because he was a liar.
Mary, the fact here is you were deceived, plain and simple. This man is not your type and you can’t blame yourself for feeling that way. If you’d known from day one you would have had the chance to build a relationship or not depending on reality.
In my opinion, what you are going to have to do is be honest. He knows that you must be surprised if not shocked and knew what he was doing when he sent you those pictures.
Don’t let his weight be the explanation for his deceitfulness. Simply tell him this is not what you expected for the past year and you are sorry but you fell for that man. Being lied to sucks and there is no excuse or room for it on any relationship.
Good Luck & huge Muther Hugs,
One Tough Muther