I come from a family of three children, we have all been very close. As we have gotten older, my brother and sister have seemed to move on with their lives without me. Both have gotten married and have started having kids, I am so happy for them and love being an uncle, I just can’t help but feel a shred of jealousy. I am 29 and single, at this point I feel like I will settle down with just about anyone to start the family life I’ve always wanted. Why do I feel such pressure to move forward?

Dear Pressured,

STOP, are you kidding, you are 29 and male! What are you thinking you have tons of time to “settle’ down and have a family, so stop with the dooms day disposition. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this but not everyone does everything at the same pace, if we did we would be called “clones”. And seriously what would be worse than “settling with just about anyone” and that person is now the biggest part of your life, not to mention half of your child’s personality. I actually think is it child abuse to have a child when you have no intention on working your butt off to raise them with two loving parents. And when I say two loving parents I mean the love you and the mother would have for the child AS WELL AS the love for each other. Raising children is by far the toughest job in the world. You are raising and influencing the life of another human to go out in this world and make their mark. Once you have a child you are responsible for them 24/7/365 for nearly the rest of YOUR life. Believe me even once they are adults you worry about them, their choices, their safety and their happiness.
So take your time, be choosy, look for someone who will have your back, work through life by your side and build a future with you. Someone that you would be proud that your child had half their blood and personality. Someone you want to stay with and raise your children with until the end.
Remember Pressured, there is a lot of love and very hard work that must go into a solid relationship so you’d better really have feelings for the person you chose. When couples divorce the entire family divorces, simply because the most basic of family dynamics must change. So STOP with the settle, however now is the time to start looking for that right person.
Believe me when I say, they are out there and if you can’t find them where you have been looking, then your not looking in the right places, so regroup.

Good Luck & Huge Muther Hugs,

One Tough Muther

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