I’ve been married 12 yrs. It’s a remarry. My 2nd, his 3rd. I came into some money, bought our dream home, and property, and he turned all weird. Says the reason is (pick one, I’ve been given several…): he feels guilty, like a ‘bought man’ living off his wife’s good fortune; he doesn’t feel deserving; if he ran into an old friend, what would he say, ‘he lives in his wife’s place’?!; I can’t handle your rich richness….just to name a few. We have a home a barn and a few acres for 4 cows.

He rants at me for no reason, cuts me off when I try to talk, we haven’t had relations in over a month, when I go to town for groceries I’m on a time schedule, same with going to the Dr, I hardly see my family, unless they come here and they don’t feel real welcome. I just turned 50, and, as usual, no gifts. Never get any, not even at Christmas. We have 3 Sons 31, 30 and 29. Mine is the 29. They are all boys. His oldest is handicapped since birth requiring 24 / 7 care. I do alot of the care, showering, help diapering, do feeding, etc. He’s my size. I’m disabled from an auto accident 7 years ago. Husband will just leave the room in the evening, disappear and not say anything. I’ll think he went to the bathroom, but he went to bed. Then I have to change, diaper and get Son in bed. Bedtime diapers are always bad and hubby hates doing them. I wonder at times if I was married to be a maid and caregiver, and a “hole” to plug into as needed. This wasn’t what I expected. But we have 2 awesome grandkids, a boy and a girl through his youngest Son. I’m supposed to be on a bunch of meds because of the accident. Because of Obama cutting my Medicare benefits last year, I can’t afford to take them all as prescribed, I take 1/2’s, but even so I run out. And found out why…I’m not the only one taking some of them. And the good ones I can’t take, he takes them from me. So now I stopped getting them. Oooohhh is he mad!!!! Rants, carrys on, guess withdrawls from 6 years of good pain meds, it can get bad. Yelling. He will get so pissed and finally just take off somewhere on the property for hours. Come back and not talk to me for days. What advice would you give?

Dear Pamela,

I am so sorry but this man needs help. What exactly is he talking about when he says. he feels guilty, like a ‘bought man’ living off his wife’s good fortune, he doesn’t feel deserving, if he ran into an old friend what would he say, he lives in his wife’s place, and other ridiculous dribble. Pamela your husband sounds he sounds extremely depressed, to the point of irrational.
Not only does he steal and ingest your prescription medications, your husband uses anger and escape (going to bed, leaving the room without a word, disappearing) to avoid something he doesn’t want to handle.

My advice is that you insist that your husband speak to a doctor and therapist immediately. he needs serious counseling. Tell him you are not going to allow him to use your medications any longer and if he wants medicine he must go to his own doctor. Also insist that he help you with HIS disabled son. if he does not then maybe you can hired an in-home health care aid. You must look in to state and federal programs that may help with the takes and the cost.

Pamela, your husband is mentally incapacitated and not going to get better with out help. Frankly Pamela you are being used as the care giver for 2 disabled men. This is not only mentally draining but physically demanding on you. Insist that your husband get help and if he doesn’t listen to you ask your son to speak to him or another male family member. This has gone on way to long and it is now escalating do to drug with drawl, get the help you need to convince him to get help before it becomes a disaster.

Good Luck & Huge Muther Hugs,

One Tough Muther

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