OTM- my boyfriends mom doesn’t think I’m good enough for her son – this I already knew. For my boyfriends birthday his mom had a nice dinner party which at one point during the night everyone was sitting at their large dinning room table. During dinner my boyfriends mom started asking me questions she already knew the answers too, but she asked to embarrass me. She asked me which college I decided on after I graduate. She already knows I can’t do that right away, I’m helping with my families business. Of course she then said that my boyfriend is going to college and he needs a level headed woman. She then started talking politics and asking for my input KNOWING that I don’t pay attention to that stuff. God I was embarrassed. She is always making me feel not good enough and I’m almost thinking of giving up on the relationship. I’m in love with my boyfriend but what’s the point of fighting for us if his mother thinks I’m dirt on her shoe? Should I stand my ground?

Dear Carrie,

I am so sorry this woman embarrassed you. I am sure you handled the attack with grace and dignity. However I am curious as to what your boyfriend had to say about that barrage of embarrassing BS? Did he speak up during or after her completely uncalled for comments? Regardless of what he did, no one should have the right to verbally berate anyone else.
Next time try something like this, stiffen your back, sit up tall and give clear and direct answers.
Carrie, people can only talk to you and treat you the way you allow them to and when you stop allowing it, it stops.
So if Mrs Blah Blah asks about something about college again or a question on a subject you know she knows the answer to simply throw the ball back in her court by saying something like, “Mrs Blah Blah you know I am not leaving for college right away. We’ve discussed how I am happy to take on more responsibility and help with my family business.”
If she brings up politics or religion those retorts are easy, “Mrs Blah Blah, you know I never discuss my opinions on politics or religion. Everyone has a right to their own views and I am not about to push my opinions on others however, thank you for trying to include me.” See Carrie, it is very easy to shut down people who feel they have the upper hand and want to embarrass you. The truth is someone can’t engage with you, if you refuse to engage.
Regardless, always face the challenger with strength, confidence and short direct answers. It helps others listening to pick up on what is going on and makes the bully looks ridiculous.
As far as should you continue this relationship, as long as your boyfriend treats you with respect and kindness why not? You are young and your future is just opening up, so much will happen in the coming years. Concentrate on going in the direction of your dreams and doing what your heart desires. Life has a funny way of showing us the way on so many things even love relationships, we just have to follow the signs.

Good Luck & Huge Muther Hugs,

One Tough Muther

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