Dear One Tough Mother,

I am a Senior in High School this year and I have never been on a date, EVER.
I am big, tall and fat the guys don’t even look at me twice, except to make fun me.
I feel like a big fat zero, a nothing and I don’t know what to do. I’m even invisible to my family, everyone just ignores me.
I try to lose weight but I can’t. I diet and walk but nothing happens, I just get bigger and bigger. So don’t tell me to try and lose weight because I can’t. In fact my Mom is always trying to get me on some weight-loss plan that totally sucks.
I wish I looked like my sister, who is 16 months younger than me. Dee is about 2 inches shorter and is in great shape. She gets asked out on dates all the time, she is popular and beautiful. She plays softball and has tons of friends.
I don’t want to be invisible anymore. I want to have a great senior year but, I don’t see anything changing for me even though everyday I wish it would.
SO, what do I do?

Invisible Liz

Dear Liz,

I’m so sorry you feel the way you do however, you are not invisible or a zero, so WE are going to have to change that mindset.

First, let me say that being tall is not a flaw, it’s a plus. A ton of successful, gorgeous women are tall. I’m not sure what you consider tall, but my 29-year-old daughter is 5′ 9″ and my sister is 5’ 10”. Tall is a trait in our family that everyone gets and likes. As far as your weight goes, it sounds like your Mom is trying to help, but you have not benefited from “diet” that she has tried, so let’s try to figure out something that you will benefit from. Believe me Liz, you, I and thousands of other girls and women have a hard time losing weight. It can seem like an endless cycle, a ton of work and it is a lifestyle compromise. You and only you will have to make good, healthy decisions when eating, to slim down and get healthy.

However, Liz I want you to think about and remember this, you don’t have to be thin to be beautiful! BOOM! You can be healthy and at a normal weight and be stunning. There is nothing, NOTHING more beautiful than a confident, strong, healthy woman who knows her own heart and mind. Regardless of what the media and the magazines say, there is NO perfect body and trying to achieve that will surely be setting yourself up for failure.

Now Liz, I am not a dietitian or nutritionists but I will share with you some of my tricks to staying healthy and keeping my weight down. The first is I make a conscience effort to stay away from sugar, white flour products, like breads and pastas and processed foods. I have tons of choices to eat all day like fruits, vegetables, protein, chocolate protein shakes or fruit and vegetable smoothies.  Nuts are a huge snack for me, I especially love almonds and pistachios and both are very good for you. If I crave sweet, I have a piece of dark chocolate, an apple, pear, banana or celery with peanut butter. Another favorite of mine is homemade guacamole which is made with avocados. There are tons of great recipes on-line for using avocados and avocados are a super food. I eat when I am truly hungry and I am totally satisfied.  I always take a big drink of water before I eat to make sure I just wasn’t thirsty and I’m told it actually adds digestion.  Your body is the most incredible machine ever built, so if you fuel it right, it will work the way it should. Remember Liz, if you eat like crap, you will feel like crap, plain and simple.

I’m super glad to hear that you walk, it’s excellent exercise and exercise is one of the best ways in the world to fight depression. It releases our feel good endorphins, helps clear your mind and helps to properly maintain all our body functions. Seriously, you don’t have to be a gym rat, however you do have to move. So keep walking as much as you can every day. Liz, instead of all these “diet” programs why don’t you ask your Mom if you can work with a nutritionist? Someone to help you make educated food choices and lifestyle changes. Trying another diet is a dead end.

Oh and one last thing, as far as wishing you were more like your sister, don’t. It is great that you love and admire your sister however Liz, you  are beautiful and truly one of a kind. So work on being a happier, healthier, more confident version of you, not a copy of someone else?  The rest will just come naturally.

Liz, everything you want is within arm’s reach, EVERYTHING, Muther promises. However, it is YOU and only YOU that can make it happen. YOU are responsible, for YOU.  YOU can change anything about your life, anytime you want. YOU are the one who has to make the commitment, others can only help get you on the right path.

Huge Muther Hugs,

One Tough Muther



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