Dear one tough muther,
I have this friend who can not get it together. She is a drug addict. She has been in and out of rehab more than once since high school for the past five years. I didn’t see her for awhile and she wanted to hang out last week. When I picked her up it was obvious she was on something. And it made me sick to see all the marks on her arms and legs which are from needles. She has no support from family being her family Are just as bad . I don’t ever want to see this friend again because it turns my stomach knowing how she is and that I can’t help her. Is it wrong for me to stop being there for this friend anymore? I really can not handle her anymore.should I continue to be the one she turns to ?
I am so sorry, I also have been faced with this sickening dilemma. My friends sons, 28 and 24 years old are addicts and so is a friend of mine. It makes me physically ill because I just don’t understand it. I can’t get a grasp on being that addicted to anything.
Like you, I did everything I could. I used sympathy, empathy, support, preaching, rehab, love, tough love and nothing helped for any length of time. The truth is if they aren’t ready to admit it, to own it and to fix it there is NOTHING you will do or say that will scare them straight.
Chrissy, if you are like me you’ve put your heart and soul into helping this person, remembering the good times and hoping there is still that wonderful friend hiding inside however you can’t take the pain of seeing it anymore. I had to sever my toxic relationship/friendship because it became such a hardship on me and my mind I couldn’t do it anymore. The reality is my friend didn’t even care that i stopped seeing her, she went on and still continues without my blood, sweat and tears.
So my advice is at this point, you must do what is best for you. Addicts draw you into their cycle of sorrow by showing you glimmers of who they once were and allowing you to think that with your help they can be that person again. Severe drug and alcohol addiction takes more than a friendly shoulder to cry on, it takes serious long term intervention.
Chrissy, you are a wonderful person for not giving up but I am afraid I don’t see much chance of change. At this point do what is best for you.
Good Luck & Huge Muther Hugs,
One tough Muther