Dear OTM

My daughter just found out how my husband cheats on me. I’ve known of this for years , but I’ve dealt with it because of the security. Not only our beautiful home, financial security with my husbands career and me not working but also keeping the family together. What good would it do breaking up the marriage and family and home when I can handle what is going on now and deal with my husband when the kids are older. I told my daughter that we are working through it but we really are not. When I say it out loud it sounds crazy but how crazy am I wanting to keep the family together?

Dear Mia,

I truly wish I knew if saying “no your not crazy” is psychologically damaging for you, however I don’t, I am neither a doctor nor a therapist. Mia, I am however a women who has been cheated on and had to start over so I know the turmoil you must feel. There are many, many times I had wished I could have looked past it, kept my family in the same environment, had financial security and just turned the other cheek, but I just couldn’t.
So you ask me, are you crazy to put up with this? I don’t know. Do your children suspect anything? I know you write your daughter has recently found it out, how old is she, how did she find out and what does she know?
Is there constant fighting in the home? is there tension and continuous upset? Are your children happy? Is your husband a good and caring father? Does he play a role in their lives? Answering yes to those questions would be the only reason I’d say let it go for now.
The facts are I look at all the kids in my son’s and daughter-in-laws classes (they are teachers) and they are almost all from broken homes. There is weekends at Mom’s, weekends at Dad’s, every other holiday, separate vacations, juggling schedules, events, life, responsibilities, parenting and that is repeated week after week, year after year. So as crazy as it sounds, it almost sounds more positive, more stable and more secure to live the lie, than to uproot everyone and starting over.
However Mia, this only can work as long as the children don’t have to live with constant animosity between you and your husband. I will be honest I commend you for placing your children, their security, happiness and their well being before your own feelings, something that is rare these days. So does it sound crazy, maybe in the cold light of day, but is it may be necessary right now for your children’s sake.
So do what you think is best for the children and Mia for you, hopefully everything will be workout.

Good Luck & Huge Muther hugs,

One Tough Muther

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