Dear OTM,

It’s me again and this question is in relation to my question that you posted on 12/7/14 ” disrespectful husband or over sensitive wife”. But this time it’s about my kids. Not being disrespectful to me but what they say about their dad. I wanted to know if you think my kids mean what they say. If my kids and I are watching a movie where the husband is doing something nice for his wife my kids, 90% of the time my youngest who is 7 will say Dad is never nice to you, I wouldn’t even care if he moved out” , or when I do something nice for my husband – like grab him a coffee on my way home my son once said ” mom your always nice to dad but he’s not so nice to you”. BUT what has been worrying me lately is there is this movie on netflix my kids love, it’s called house arrest , with Jamie lee Curtis staring in it. It revolves around the parents splitting up, the kids lock the parents in the basement to make up. We’ve watched it three times, and Both my boys 7 & 8, have said to me while watching it that I should get a new husband, divorce dad because (once again) dad isn’t nice to me. They even call their dad lazy I’d probably say if not everyday then close to it. I tell my kids not to talk this way about their father which doesn’t change anything.i have wonderful respectful well behaved kids , and I’m not just saying that- it’s just their dad they act this way too.. My daughter even yells at her father ” get off her” if my husband tries to show me affection. I Know this is a loaded question and I’d NEVER act off my kids remarks but say down the road my husband and I decided to not be together anymore do you think because of my kids remarks that they would be ok with it? I know divorce is hard so I’m not saying it’s happening no matter my feelings, but I know my parents are divorced and I would of never thought to say things about my dad ,or even suggest that my parents not be together. Are my kids trying to tell me they’d be ok if things didn’t work out or do you think it’s just kids being kids?

Dear Judy,

Small children have no idea how they will feel if their family was suddenly broken up. They have not lived enough life to have any point of reference, to understand the loss of a parent from divorce or how they would feel if they had to be shuffled between a mother and a father week in and week out. I have seen teens rebel and have a very difficult time adjusting so small children DO NOT understand.
As far as your husband being mean and disrespectful, he better open his eyes. The example he is setting for his sons with his immature actions and mean mouth towards is asking for trouble. Does your husband want his sons to grow up and disrespect women? Believe me in the future world that will never fly. Not to mention the the model man he is portraying to his daughter is disgraceful and may result in your daughter having an opinion on how a man should treat the woman he loves. Ask him if he wants his daughter to marry the kind of man he is?

Judy, your husband acts like a spoiled child and needs to grow up. he is setting a bad example for his children when is comes to work and relationships. Children are little sponges who absorb and store information for later. The way we as act, react and interact with others in front of them as they grow up will be the way our children will act, react and interact with others, the bottom line! I guarantee his father treated his Mother with disrespect the entire time he grew up, my point.

Speak to your husband, show him my letter or hit him over the head with your keyboard, it is time he grows up and breaks the cycle he is creating. It should be easy respect gets respect, if it doesn’t something needs to be adjusted IF you want your children to be well rounded and successful in life.

Good Luck & Huge Muther Hugs,

One Tough Muther

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