When getting married you Recite wedding vows , through sickness & health, richer & poorer. And me trying to be strong remember this when dealing with the other halves……issues. I’m not by any means writing a whoa is me letter but I want your view. I know you aren’t in this marriage so I’ll try my best to convey the problems. We’ve been together 11 years. My husband has job hopped so many times leaving us (myself and kids) struggling financially pretty much 11 years. If I’m honest he hadn’t held a job for more than a year and most recently holds a job from 3-6 months then he has a issues and has to job hunt or he will quit before having a job in place. With a family , that’s not acceptable. I think on my end I’ve stayed so laid back about it because I go back to the vows of richer or poorer, and I married him because I love him. I should stand behind my husband through this BUT 11 years of it OTM. At some point you look at that man who should be stable by now and get sickened, that love you felt get shoved way back and you start using your brain and think well this isn’t right?! He should by now be responsible enough to hold a job, to stop putting his family through such Financial stress. Our Christmas was horrible and I couldn’t wait for it to pass. I did what I could but seeing my kids faces Christmas morning disappointed. it broke my heart . And my kids are very grateful kids but I couldn’t get them nice things and I was crushed after seeing my kids un-enthusiastic faces. And can’t help but blame husband for up and leaving a good job where we were saving a Christmas bond at , we ended up having to use the Christmas bond for bills because he was not working. But I would feel like a failure or like I gave up over basic marriage problems if this ended but I’m at the end of my rope. I’m really pushing my husband because once again in a week from now he has to find a new job. OTM would I be a failure or giving up to easy if I walked away? My husband doesn’t push or try his hardest. Do many marriages go through this because I feel very alone in this and I know what I feel but maybe I’m giving up to easy? I’m not saying I’m giving up but I’m giving him one last chance to see what happens this time then I might have to go with what I feel is best if it’s the same cycle. Am I WRONG ?

Dear Kimberly,

Enough is enough. So you are saying that over the past 11 years he has left jobs for no reason and he has children, that is a disgrace.
At some point in all of our lives we have had to swallow our pride and do a job we didn’t love until a better opportunity opened up. I hate to say it but it sounds as though your husband is immature and selfish. Marriages do go through many, many stages but a husband and a wife are suppose to work together as a team for the good of the family, that is why you marry right?
Kimberly, first let me say you are not in this alone. So many couples go through hard times financially. However as an adult quitting a job by choice because you don’t “like” the job or someone upsets you is ridiculous. I think it is time for the both of you, as a couple, to take stock of where you are going and make a plan.
If the children are old enough you will both have to work to get on your feet. You must make a pact that you will each carry your weight and start to build a future for you family. The goal here is for each of you to take responsibility for the family as a whole while working together as a team. If for some reason your husband doesn’t get that or doesn’t agree to holding his job and working as a team, then maybe it is time for you to rethink the marriage.
Just remember it is as hard alone, as it is as a couple and sometimes harder. If he isn’t working regularly now getting child support from him if you split, could be impossible. The wedding vows are recited by both the man and the woman and it takes both of you to make it work. If one partner checks out of the marriage or family and ditches their responsibility forsaking their vows then the other person has to make a decision about what is best for family. If you know what will suffer if you quit yet another job and not care, I have to wonder if you care about being in a family or a partner at all and something has to change.
Kimberly, you will have to do what is best for you and your children, if he messes up yet again. Your husband is deciding his own fate by caring only about himself.

Good Luck & Huge Muther Hugs,

OTM

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