Ever since my mom turned 50 she has lost her mind. she has been dressing a little more revealing and started dating someone 36 years old and he now moved in with her. She goes out a lot and continues to tell me about her sex life as much as I tell her I don’t want to hear it. I don’t feel like she is behaving like my mom. Yes all us kids are all grown but that doesn’t mean she can behave how she is. I’ve stopped visiting because I don’t want my kids around some random man or trashy grandma. She is upset of course and says that I am not being fair. I just want to teach mom a lesson to act her age and be like her motherly self, and maybe force that man out of her life !!! What is my mom thinking??

Dear Nicole,

Wow, your mother is going through a true mid-life crisis. It is as though she is trying to get back her younger years and make up for the time she was home raising her children.

Teaching your mother and lesson and forcing this man out of her life is NOT the way to go about this. She obviously thinks this man is what she needs right now and that she has put her time in raising children and wants to “have fun”.
Sadly I have seen this happen to a lot of men and women. I have first hand knowledge, my husband decided to give up everything for a women he felt a “life bond” with. It lasted 4 months for them, he gave up everything, his family, friends, job and current life and he has never had a stable life since. I think in 6 years he has had 5 live in girlfriends that have all ended very badly.
I told you this so you understand I’ve seen this behavior ruin families. I have watched husbands and wives both, have affairs and destroy beautiful relationships with their spouses, with their children and with their friends.
I am a firm believer that the grass is NOT greener on the other side and that once they wake up and realize what they have done to the life they spent years building, in most cases they regret it.

Can you sit her down and speak to her as an adult? If so maybe explain to her that you are not trying to run her life however you still need her as a mother and your children need her as a grandmother. Explain that you are uncomfortable with the way she talks to you, you are not impressed or interested and you’d appreciate it if she’d stop. The be firm by saying that you do not want your children around her current boyfriend and that as long as she disrespects your wishes you have to stop contact with her.

Nicole, tell her you realize it is her life and now that she has raised her children so she can do with it what she sees fit however she is still your mother and you need her in that role. Maybe you both can agree to a compromise. She agrees keeps her “wild side” private when she is with you and around the children she acts accordingly, like their grandmother.
Ask her how she would have felt if her mother had acted this way? Also remind her that the longer as her current lifestyle and the people in it becomes before family, the more the damage to your mother/daughter relationship will occur.
Hopefully she will curb some of her conversations, dress better in front of the child and put her “new life” in a place where only she has to see it.

Life is very, very short and in the end family is all you ever really have so whatever you do you must try to preserve it.
I am hoping by speaking to her like an adult she will reevaluate her current choices and make the adjustments she needs to make herself and you comfortable and happy.

Good luck & Huge Muther Hugs,

OTM

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