One Tough Muther i have been married for 10 years. My marriage seems like such a struggle. We have periods where it is fine and dandy, then comes the drifting away period where we kind of do our own thing without notice of the other one.Then comes the talk of lets try to become closer again, we will both try then it’s better for awhile then the cycle comes again. It isn’t a bad marriage it’s just SO MUCH WORK.It is exhausting.and when we are drifted it is so much more easier to just let it be but it isnt right to be like that. It is just very tiring ….Are all marriages like mine or is there something wrong with ours. Should it be this hard.?

Dear Anna,

Marriage is an extreme amount of work and an on going struggle. Remember you are two different people, from two completely different families and two different backgrounds, with two different minds, working two different jobs, with two different sets of friends and for the biggest part of the day, going in two different directions-together-all at the same time.
THEN add children.
You both need to be involved in taking care of the children, but in most cases in two different capacities.
You are the Mother, the life giver, the caregiver, the teacher, the nurturer, the playmate, the doctor, the taxi, the judge and jury, the disciplinarian, the waitress, the clean up crew and that’s all before the child first birthday.
He is the father, the caregiver too, but maybe not as much, the provider, chances are if you work his income is more, the teacher when he can be, the playmate, the doctor occasionally, the taxi, the judge and jury, the disciplinarian,probably more so than you, clean up crew and so on.
Now, try to find time for each other as a husband and wife. It’s work! Ask anyone, relationships are hard.
You have to struggle to stay connected, in touch and in love.

So to answer your question, YES most marriages are like yours and I applaud you for asking and am so proud of you for trying to keep it together. In a world where divorce is so easy, people don’t want to work at a relationship any longer, so HUGE Muther hugs to you.

OTM

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