Dear otm,

A friend of mine has a boyfriend who believes he can snoop through all her stuff. He has her passwords to her online social networking and bank accounts. Once her boyfriend went on to her social network before she could erase a message from a friend from work who was male and he was so upset he threatened to break up with her. From what she told me the message was innocent , but even if it wasn’t he shouldn’t of been on her account. And then he also will go on her bank account and check to see how much money she has and will yell at her as to where her money is going. (Just FYI he doesn’t work) They are not married he has no right to go onto her bank account. I’ve told her to change her passwords because it is so ridiculous, right? He shouldn’t be doing this..

Dear Lee,

The behavior you have described is controlling, manipulative, unhealthy, disrespectful and dangerous. He is out of hand and she is out of her mind. She does not owe him any explanations for her actions, boyfriend or husband. As far as the bank account goes, he has NO right to that information. She works, he does not and even if he did it is none of his business where she spends her money or how much. I have told my daughter and daughter-in-laws to keep a separate bank account with a few dollars going into it from your pay weekly so if you want or need something you can buy it. You work and as long as you contribute to the household bills and maintenance financially, you have a right to buy something you’d like. Keep in mind, I say the same things to my sons and son-in-law. But Lee, she is not married to him, thank the Lord and he is in complete control…WRONG.

I agree, she must change her passwords. This guy has all the traits of an obsessive, jealous man who wants to own her. There is a saying, “don’t be a woman that needs a man, be a woman that a man needs.” She doesn’t need this in a man or need a man that acts this way. If someone exhibits this behavior while you are dating them, the time when they are suppose to be wooing you and should be on their best behavior, how will they act if you marry them?
This guy is out of bounds on all levels and I stick to my guns, change the passwords. If he bulks then you will know he wants full control and he’s out or you will be living with this and maybe worse later down the line.

Huge Muther Hugs,

OTM

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