OTM,

When I was in my late teen early 20’s i had this best friend. She was the coolest. Dressed trendy, fun, pretty, always had her hair nice and makeup done, and such a free spirit with an awesome personality. We had a falling out which lead to a 10 year gap of not speaking. Which is a long time, i get it. About a year ago we got back in touch and we honestly couldn’t remember what caused us to stop speaking, so we got together and have been hanging out at least once a week. Ok, since that 10 year span I have gotten married and had kids and so has she. But OTM when i met up with my friend again for the first time i almost didn’t recognize her! She gained alot of weight, doesnt wear makeup or bother with her hair anymore , she is all around frumpy. I hate to sound snobby but this isnt the friend I remember. Her personality seems different more tense, and on edge. I understand that running after kids we can’t walk around looking like super models and her kids are younger than mine so i’m sure that is a blast of fun- which is making her tense, but i would die if i walked around makeup free and my hair not half way decent ! I feel like she is being very lazy. She is such a beautiful woman who is just not caring anymore and i don’t get it, and i also know that there is no nice way to tell her how i feel about it with out ANOTHER falling out and 10 more years of not speaking! So should I just keep my big mouth shut and hope this “faze” will pass?

Dear Jenny,

There has been a 10 year span in this relationship so YES you should keep your mouth shut.
However, that does not mean that you shouldn’t try to help her. Maybe she is depressed, worn out, in a crappy marriage, physically exhausted. Does she work as well as take of the house and children? Maybe she has health issues.
Who knows what has gone on in her life for the past 10 years.
How about giving her a little nudge. Tell her you want to get in better shape for summer and ask her to walk with you 3 days a week. Ask her to go get a manicure and pedicure with you. Maybe look through some old pictures of the two of you and remind her of how beautiful she was/is. Ask her out on a “date”, where you both get fixed up and go out for dinner and a drink.
Help her Jen, don’t just throw words out there without knowing what may be the real reason she has lost interest in herself.
A lot could have happened in 10 years that you have no idea of. Realistically Jenny, you’re essentially starting your friendship over as 30 year old women. You are both slightly different people now, so trend lightly.
I’m sure she is still there just slightly modified and would welcome and be happy for your nudges.

Huge Muther Hugs,

OTM

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