OTM I’m scared for my friend Ashley. She is 17 and is dating a 22 year old guy. Her parents are ok with it, so that is not the problem. The problem is that she is set to grow up.. She calls him her husband already and they plan to get married when she turns 18. She also has not been filling out college applications and has stopped trying so hard in school, Her staright A’s are slowly dropping. She says that she does not need to go to school or do well because her husband will provide for her and she doesn’t need to work,either. She is even talking of dropping out of highschool before her senior year is up because they will be married. She is a very smart girl and could make something out of herself, for sure. I’m worried this plan will go through and then quickly fall apart and what will she have down the road. She wont be a highschool graduate, she will not have any college knowledge and will not have a job? Ive told her she should still provide a life for herself because she deserves it but she is bull headed and set. I am a few years older than her so i can see how bad this looks for her and i have gone to her parents in private and they do not seem worried. Why am i the only one worried about this? I could scream!!!

Dear Leah,

You seem to be a very bright and wise young woman. I was going to suggest going to the parents but I see you were mature and have already done so. It is obvious to me that her parents have stopped parenting and you are the only true guidance she has.

Someone needs to sit this young woman down and explain that whether on not she plans on marrying this man, she does not have enough life experience to just step out of the ring of responsibility. She has acting irrationally and throwing away her future making such life altering decisions. Yes, what she is doing is making a life altering decision. Throwing your education away and becoming fully dependent on someone else is stepping out of your own life. What if her husband becomes ill, leaves her with a few children, has a bad accident and can’t work or simply gets fired and she is the sole support? What job will she get with no education? What salary do you receive with out a diploma? Who then picks up the slack? marriage is about “partnership” not playing house and if you can’t be a person who can pull life together when needed, you are not partner.

Leah, I am so impressed that you see all of this and are seeking help for your friend. Your friend is very lucky to have you. It is all well and good to have dreams of being married but not at the expense of giving up your chances for a good life. If he truly loves her he will help her by encouraging her to continue with her education. Life is very hard even when you have an education, jobs are very hard to find so with out an education it becomes nearly impossible.

Please pass this message along to her. Life is long when you are young. Take your time, enjoy learning new things, having new experiences, finding new passions and meeting new people. Marriage is just a wonderful step in life not then final destination.
Please think clearly now it will save you a lot of heartache in the future.

My favorite saying: Strong women may we know them, may we raise them, may we be them. Congratulations Leah, by hearing from you and your concerns for your friend, you are growing into one. Best of luck with YOUR future.

Huge Muther Hugs,

One Tough Muther

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