My daughter is adopted from a sister of mine. When my sister was a teen she got pregnant and was unstable the entire pregnancy. The adoption went well , my husband and I were thrilled to raise her and my sister passed away a few years later of a drug overdose ,so my daughter never would remember my sister being she was young and never around. I planned to tell my daughter all of this , pushing it away with each year I never got around to telling her. As she aged she learned of my sister and her death but that was all. My daughter is now 24 and still has no idea. She deserves to know the truth , I realize but do I really have to tell her with how perfect life is? I would love for her to never know. As bad as that sounds.

Dear Bonnie,

Oh Bonnie, you know the truth is you have to tell her and very soon because without a doubt at some point this will come out. I am shocked that is hasn’t slipped out in her 24 year old life already.
Bonnie, I know it must be very hard and very scary and I most certainly don’t know how your daughter will react, but what you have to remember is, YOU are her Mother.
Bonnie, as you know first hand physically birthing a baby does not automatically make you a Mother. However you’ve been. You and your husband have been a part of your daughter’s life since day one, from the moment she was born and have loved, supported and cherished her as your own. I am sure she will feel shocked, confused, possibly mad and upset but once the initial shock wears off, she should realize she is YOUR daughter and you are her Mother.
Bonnie here’s a question I can’t get past, what about your husband, her Father? The difference between the two of you is, you are truly your daughters blood relative, her biologic Aunt, however the man she has known for 24 years as her Father, has no no genetic tie. The fact remains for all the same reasons you are her Mother, he is her Father but missing an important component.
I am sure your daughter will have many questions about her Mother and who her real Father is and I wouldn’t be surprised if she felt she has been living a lie and becomes angry at everyone in the family for not telling her so please be prepared.
In fact Bonnie, you have to be mentally prepared for any possible reaction, so this is my heartfelt advice.
Immediately seek and speak to a family therapist or counselor for direction. Tell them what you have told me and get advice on how to best handle telling your daughter. Counselors and Therapists with experience in family issues may also have wonderful suggestions on the best way to handle the many mixed emotions your daughter will experience. Don’t put this off any longer, it must be addressed very soon. The longer you wait the tougher this will become and as it is now, time is not on your side.

Good Luck & Huge Muther Hugs,

One Tough Muther

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