Dear one tough Muther,
I have an ex boyfriend that I dated in highschool for three years, we broke up after graduation because we didn’t feel that “spark” anymore. We remained friends though and our friendship grew stronger with each passing year. He is still very close and involved with my family he became good friends with my brother and hangs with my father hunting and such. I am married now to my husband I met in college& my husband was always ok with my friendship with my ex boyfriend because he see’s the friendship between us. I have a very close bond with my ex and I can tell him things that I feel I can’t tell my husband and there are things I prefer doing with my ex- hobbies. OTM my ex is my best friend who happens to be male and I have happened to date back in the day. My husband is starting to think maybe it’s about time my ex and I stop spending so much time together. He doesn’t mind that he comes to picnic’s or hangs with my family, but he doesn’t particularly like the one on one time him and I spend together. BUT otm it is a totally different relationship we all have with my ex. Yes, he is an ex but from so long ago and NOW he is a friend. My question is do you think an ex boyfriend and girlfriend can and should remain friends? I really don’t think i could give him up, we are so close. How can I explain this to my husband to make him understand that it is ok to have him in my life.

-Tiff

Dear Tiff,

Yes, I do think an ex-boyfriend and girlfriend from long ago can and should be friends but to what degree? If the shoe were on the other foot and your husband was spending a lot of alone time with his ex-girlfriend from back in the day, would it bother you? To be completely honest, I don’t really feel your husband is being unreasonable. he is not saying “Baby, cut him off” he is saying he feels uncomfortable with the amount of alone time and would like a compromise.

Talk it out, come to an agreement and respect your husbands feelings. I have to wonder how does your ex’s girlfriend/wife feel about this or are you the only woman in his life? I understand you have a deep rooted relationship with this man but keep in mind you chose to marry your husband, and develop a deep rooted relationship with him, so if he feels uncomfortable with your past relationship you should respect that.

Tiff, marriage takes commitment, understanding, communication, work and compromise.
This is the time for you and your husband to build a future together, don’t let the past over shadow that.

Huge Muther Hugs,

One Tough Muther

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