Dear One Tough Muther,

My grandmother is very sick and her days are limited here on earth. She also sometimes seems very confused. But there is one thing she seems so clear on. She knows who I am always and she always knows who my best friend is, my guy friend Jake. Whenever Jake and I come to see Grammy she takes my arm gently and says that I need to keep that boy Jake, he’s a good one who loves me and asks me to promise her that I will marry him. At first I’d laugh at Grammy or say yes Grammy but she is becoming so passionate about it and asks me to promise her in which my mother says to just promise her, so I have. But my concern is if I don’t keep this promise. Jake is my best friend and I have never thought of him this way . We are both 17 and have been best buds for 9 years. If I don’t keep this promise should I feel bad, I don’t know what else to do but promise her. does Grammy see something I don’t? Do you think it is wrong for me to make a promise that I do not intend to keep?

Dear Andrea,

How hard this must be for you, I am so sorry and thank you for trusting me by writing.
No Honey, promising Grammy is not wrong, and you should not feel bad. She is saying this because she loves you so very much and for some reason this is on her mind. When people are ill especially terminally, they try their hardest to make it easier on those they love. This insistence maybe a result of medicine she is taking or her worrying about you but regardless it is out of pure love. Your Grandmother just wants what she thinks is best for you. Remember Andrea, she comes from a whole other world, a completely different generation and marriage was the next step in a young woman’s life at around your age. Finding a good man who was a good provider and would be a great husband was a priority back when she was 17 years old.
Your Grandmother is right he is a wonderful friend who does love you and I will hope that things will stay that way for many years to come. But as far as promising marriage, you both are 17 years old and the world is just starting to open up to you.
You both are just on the cusp of meeting many new people and enjoying many new experiences. Don’t let this loving gesture from your Grandmother weigh on you mind.
Andrea if in a few years things develop differently between you and Jake then Grammy was right, however if it doesn’t and things go a completely different direction then those choices are yours and Jake’s to make. Do what is right for you, in your heart and in your soul and Honey everything will be ok.

Huge Muther Hugs,

One Tough Muther

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