Dear One tough Muther,
I am 19 years old and dating a guy that is 9 years older than me. He is a business man and has a respectable job locally. The relationship is fresh and new but he seems like a good guy so far. My mother doesnt not like the idea of me dating an older man. She hasnt really yelled at me for it but she has said Don’t date a guy that much older,she has said things to that nature. Well a few days ago i went to my boyfriends work because it is what i usually do when i have time and he was mad. He said my mother came into his work and was forcefully telling him to stop seeing me or there will be a problem. i didnt know what to say but i was embarrassed. His co workers kept cracking jokes about it and my boyfriend told his co workers if they see her coming to call the cops- which i admit is over the top. When i made it home that night I asked my mom, teasing tone. Why did you go to his work and do that. She said “so what'”. I feel like my mother see’s me as a child to go behind my back like that. I am not a child. I do not live with this man, we are only dating. I feel like it was so wrong for her to do that. She could have sat me down and explained why she thinks this relationship is wrong instead of going that far and making a fool of me and her! Help OTM what should i do about it?
I agree with you, you are not a child any longer and she most certainly should have spoken to you. It was not her place to intervene by going to your boyfriends job. On top of which she was confronting and threatening, that is ridiculous.
All I can say is many times parents do things that they interpret as “protecting” their child with out thinking it through. Your mother had no right to go behind your back regardless of what her mind set was. You are 19 and a young adult. Even if you live under her roof, I still find it disrespectful of your feelings.
Speak to her in a kind, non-accusatory voice and ask her why she felt she had to go that far. Tell her you appreciate her concern and love for you but you are an adult now and would like to make your own decisions. Lindsey, it is hard to just “stop” protecting your children when you think they are making a mistake especially when they are young adults.
Cut her some slack this time, talk it out and move on.
Huge Muther Hugs,
One Tough Muther