I am married and a mother of three small kids in elementary school. For about seven years i have been a stay at home mom raising my kids. My husband is working and earning money for the family and does not let me forget it,. He is always complaining how i don’t work, and how he thinks it is time i start working. WELL so do I- ha ha. Sounds easy right. All the kids are in school now. But here is the thing. We have one vehicle to share for the family. I take my husband to work 8 am pick him up 5pm. My kids get picked up at 7 and 8 am then i have to be home at 2:30 to be there for my kids in the afternoon and then there are summers when they are off…All this runs through my head when trying to figure out how i will work. I have not one person able to help out and watch my kids on a daily basis and we can not afford to pay anyone. I am currently enrolled in school and in the process of finding out about what course would be best for me to take college wise,because i am so frustrated that not one business will work around the school schedule and no one will give me a chance, and because i want to do the best for my family. I have been on so many interviews without a call back. I am trying. I always feel like my husband is putting me down. My husband has the opportunity to pick up over time at his job but chooses not to because i should be helping. The other day he told our son that we are poor because he is the only one working. The way he said it was so rude and to put me down to our child was a low blow. I went and cried in the bathroom, it hurt my feelings. I feel my husband should understand how hard this is, how much i rack my brain figuring out details, and he should not be putting me down like he does. I am also afraid because this has literally been for the seven years of him complaining that i don’t work that once i work and make my own income that all that hurt through the years and putting me down i’ll just decide i don’t need him anymore and i will just explode. It’s hard for me to forgot how much he has put me down, it’s not right and it has messed with me all this time.Ok, Shouldnt my husband be on my side instead of against me? And if he is able to pick up over time and do what he can to bring money home shouldnt he? instead of complaining that he has to work enough already?

Dear Deserve,

You absolutely deserve respect.
Is he willing to watch 3 kids at night if you go to work once he gets home? If you can’t afford after school care, what other option do you have? Will he come home, feed them, do homework with them, run them to events and clubs, get them bathed and ready for the following day, while you work?
He shouldn’t have a problem with that right, they are his children too and frankly it isn’t work, is it? He expects you to work out of home and the evening shift is the only option due to having one car. He excepts you to take care of the day to day chores of raising a family without a problem right?
I say get an evening job and let him see exactly what it would be like if you worked. I do suggest doing it during the summer so the kids are not disrupted and they have time to adjust. Then when he whines he is tired, from working all day and watching HIS children at night, he may have a deeper respect for what you do.

Huge Muther Hugs,

OTM

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