Dear OTM,

How can I Transition my role as my daughters best friend to a parent. I’m a single mom and unfortinutley I’ve gone the route of being my daughters friend first. Now my daughter is 16 and wanting boys to stay over with her and her friends and other such things that she would ask of an older friend. I know it’s completely wrong but I am having the hardest time setting rules. I guess I’m afraid of losing the bond we have and becoming strangers. I grew up with a terrible relationship with my own mother and I have been avoiding that from happening any chance I get.

Dear Abigail,

Oh Abigail, now you want to set rules? 16 years later? This may turn into a real struggle, however you are going to have to toughen up, impose a rule and stick to your guns.
First, I suggest that you sit your daughter down and tell her under no circumstances are boys to “stay over” with her and her friends. Explain that this behavior is completely irresponsible, dangerous and unacceptable for 16 year old girls. There is no doubt in my mind that she realizes other mothers would never allow this behavior from their daughters, however that may not stop her from pushing the issue. While talking to her about this, be open and tell her you love your relationship with her and that you have always but as she gets older there are certain things you are going to have to be full in control of.
Explain that your wonderful relationship works both ways and you hope that she continues to show you love and respect while imposing certain rules. My hope is that she is not spoiled rotten and excepts with understanding certain rules. If she does not accept what you are saying and puts up a fight, well you are going to have to be tough.
Abigail, parenting is not a popularity contest, it is to the act of teaching our children right from wrong, morals and how to survive with the laws of society. It is never to late to learn from others or to teach someone a life lesson SO it’s time to hang up your friendship ring, at least for a while and put on your Tough Muther cape.

Good Luck & Huge Muther Hugs,

One Tough Muther

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