Dear One Tough Muther,

I am not very fond of my husbands friends. They are a married couple with a child and she is pregnant. For years upon years i have been avoiding seeing them. My husband bowls with the husband and also fishes with him so that gives them their friend time, and once in a great while we are invited as a couple over for dinner or invited out with them or to their childs party, which i ignore or pick and chose when to show my face. They are just very pushy and moody at times. The wife approached me recently and asked why is it i don’t like them. Of course being so caught off guard and not wanting to be mean i said that I do like them they are my friends. Shortly after that i was asked to go Maternity clothes shopping with her. I felt i had to go. She was very friendly the whole time, no cockiness her her tone, but STILL i can not get comfortable with her. While we were out that day she asked if after she has her child if i would become the babies Nanny, because she knows i’d take good care of her baby and i am the only one she trusts.We didnt talk pay or anything just yet but I told her i’d think about it, and give her an answer.But what i already knew is it would not be a good idea because i can see myself getting taken advantage of, and i would have to see them obviously a lot more than i do now. Next she TOLD, not asked me, that she would also want me to clean their home once a week, starting soon and how much should they pay me for that. OTM their home is so, so, so very messy and so unclean. They have dogs that they were not training well that have done bathroom duties on their carpets. Sticky counters and filthy bathrooms and i do not even want to think of what else. I told her i have to think about it. I do not want to nanny or clean their home BUT i am a stay home mom so i can’t use the excuse that i’m to busy b.c my kids are in school part of the day. How would you tell these people that you don’t want to do these things with out upsetting them. B.c my plan is to ignore the requests which can only last so long then knowing me i’d end up doing it anyway. How would you handle this??

Dear No-Nanny,

I would be completely honest with this woman. I’d say, “I’ve given your idea a lot of thought, and I am sorry but it will not work out for me”.
Then If she has the gall to question you, all you have to do is explain that you have a full plate and are looking to take on anymore responsibilities. She must understand that now that your children are in school, maybe you’d like to pursue your interests. a part time job or opportunities for yourself and your family.
If it makes you feel better, say “thank you for the opportunity and for asking me but, will have to say no”.

In my opinion, the cons far out weigh the pros. Asked to be her baby’s Nanny because she trusts you is flattering but being TOLD that you are expected to clean their house while doing so, is just plain ridiculous. Now let’s top her pushy and demanding attitude, with you can’t get comfortable with her and it spells disaster. They are pushy and moody you say, I most certainly would not want to work for her and by the way YOU don’t need an excuse to decline.
Step up if she asks again and simply tell her you are not available so she can find someone who is. The last thing you’d want is for her to simply assume you are going to do as she asks. If she is irritated, oh well.
Her demanding and pushy demeanor most certainly DOES NOT spell “friend” so you have nothing to lose.

Stick to your guns on this one, you’ll be glad you did.

OTM

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