OTM I have been with my husband for 11 years. Here is my question because I’m annoyed. At Christmas time my mother and father even out the amounts spent on myself and my husbands gifts. Or maybe they will go $10 or so over for me. But not on purpose , they try to be fair. My inlaws however completely go over board for my husband and give me a $20 gift.. I’m not some spoiled brat but it seems pretty messed up to me? Like this past christmas they bought me a $20 kmart purse, they then gave me a pink kitty cat blanket the size for a toddler that my niece didn’t like ,(I later found out) & p.js that my daughter said she had tried on when she slept over and they were to big for her… Now my husband got a madden football game for a ps4 which retails for $60 dollars then also bought him clothes and gave him $50.00 cash plus scratch offs. I’ll say it again I am no spoiled woman but it’s very disrespectful to me I think. I’m caring for their grand kids 24.7- my children – plus their big man child – my husband. It made me feel like maybe they see me as not deserving ? That’s just how I feel.. It hurt..What’s your take ..

Dear Eileen,

What do I think? I think some people are genuinely socially inept. I actually know a couple that the man’s father would buy him a Christmas gift and not his daughter-in-law, his son’s wife. The father would come to visit their home and bring only the son a gift…what? where do you come from?
In your case I think maybe your husband’s parents have spent so many years catering to his wants and needs that they just can’t break the cycle. What seriously strikes me as odd is, why in 11 years hasn’t your husband stepped up to the plate and said something?
Eileen hasn’t he noticed this and couldn’t he say, “Mom, Dad I appreciate your thoughtfulness and generosity but I am a grown man. You don’t have to spend so much money at Christmas on me. If you’d like to give us each a small gift and a gift certificate to a lovely night out while you watch the kids that would be wonderful.” BOOM done. By making a mature request of something you both would enjoy, his parents feel good about giving him something and also giving you both something you can enjoy together.
Hey Eileen, my ex-mother-in-law would buy me gifts at the flea market, leave the tags on them and then tell you she only paid $2.00. Once she gave one of my children a calendar that was for the same year that Christmas was in. It didn’t really bother me because she was just like that, but it was certainly odd though.
Don’t be too hurt I have a feeling your in-laws are clueless and don’t mean to be offensive. Speak to your husband and maybe he will “man up” and put a fair and responsible request on his Christmas list for next year.

Good Luck and Huge Muther Hugs,

One Tough Muther

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