Dear One tough muther,
This question is coming from my brother sitting next to me but I am the one transferring his words to text.- Liv
My brother Brice is 19 and he has been dating his girl for four years, All through high school. She is well rounded, comes from a well off, responsible family and is attending college, smart and it was always assumed they’d be married. About 4 months ago Brice met another girl though. I’m sorry, A friend( he wanted me to make clear) The complete opposite of his girl friend. She’s a free spirit which pretty much describes her fully. Not attending school . She works part time at starbucks and isn’t very close with her family. She lives in a house with a bunch of friends .She’s opened minded and beautiful. She runs around with her long hair down, throws a outfit together is 2 seconds flat and Brice describes her as a beautiful mess. She’s the life of the party because everyone is drawn to her and not because she is attention seeking like his girlfriend. The two girl’s have met but are not friends. Brice does hang out with the girl without his gf but never alone. He tells me he has felt he loved her as soon as she smiled at him. I have seen my brother and her together and I can tell you it is a completely different happiness then with his current gf.,Recently Brice and her shared a kiss during a bonfire at a friends ( in which I told Brice that it was wrong) and she told him that she has loved him at first site. Nothing else has happened but Brice and her are very close and spend a lot of time together and he is conflicted. The girl told him that the kiss can’t happen again because of his girlfriend and that she loves him but that he needs to make a choice for himself, for what he wants and she said she will not push him. He doesn’t know if he should take a chance being with her because his feelings have never felt so alive or live with the fact that he is supposed to marry his gf because he knows what his future will be with his gf. So I guess his question is, Do you follow your heart even if you don’t know what will happen or should you not break routine and stay with whats planned out for you because it is the right road?
Dear Liv and Brice,
Thank you both for writing and asking my opinion.
Brice you say, you are in love or are you in lust? It is very difficult at times to tell the two apart. You are 19 years old and having a hard time differentiating between the two I’m sure, but don’t get upset I know 50-60 year old men and women who still don’t know the difference between the two L words.
Brice, you have spent most of your young life with one girl. You have never experienced different traits that different girls have, the different ways that couples can communicate or the different/wild side of a relationship. Now you have tasted something completely new, exciting and unique. You see the fun, free spirit, the go with the flow vibe and it is a breath of fresh air. So it is not surprising that you are confused and completely normal to be curious what’s on the other side of the fence.
My advice, don’t make a decision that you are in-love with this girl when you have never spent much time with her alone and have not had the freedom to try something new. DO NOT jump out of a wonderful long term relationship with someone you’ve known and loved for so long to jump into another relationship with both feet or you may just drown.
Do it right Brice, have the respect and love for your girlfriend to tell her you need to part ways. Explain to her that you feel you both need to experience other people in life and you have had these feelings for a while. Who knows she is in college, maybe she feels the same way.
DO NOT continue a relationship with “beautiful mess” until you are free from your current relationship. Do Not feel obligated to make a “choice” as “beautiful mess” put it, solely based on this recent heated infatuation. Do you think is is possible to really love someone without truly knowing them, their life, their dreams, there other side. Do the right thing and honor your word and commitment to your girlfriend by breaking off your relationship with her honestly and completely. Cheating with “beautiful mess” will only compound trouble, destroy feelings and hurt years of togetherness. Cheating will also leave you even more confused and possibly alone with no one. Think of it this way; cheating is like taking a beautiful, new flat sheet of paper and wrinkling it up into a very tight ball. No matter how much you unfold, and smooth that paper out to try to make it right again, the paper will still be marked, the wrinkles will show up, even if only lightly and the paper will never be the same again.
Brice, live your young life, experience many new things and meet tons of new people because you only have one life, but do it responsibly and honestly. Then you will be free in your heart, mind and soul to experience “beautiful mess” or any other people and find the right fit for you.
Good Luck & Brice make wise decisions,
One Tough Muther