Dear One Tough Muther,

My boyfriend of 9 years has been a on again, off again ride.
We are both divorced and have almost raised our families, he still has a 15 year old daughter, but we are in the same place relationship wise.
He goes from I need space, to I need you every other month.
This has been going on for almost 9 years. I am ready for more and he says he is too, well that’s what he says most of the time. When I ask him whats happening next he freaks, what should I do. Wait it out or move out while I still can?

Wondering

Dear Wondering,

I am perplexed. You did not speak about how you feel about Mr FlipFlop, how he treats you, what you do to spend time together, what you are looking for in the future, what either of your dreams are or where you fit into those dreams or how your relationship feels. Your question was very benign and matter of fact.

In my opinion you’ve lost interest in this relationship and it also appears that he has as well. It sounded like a question of convenience not of commitment “flashing lights” wrong, wrong, wrong. A relationship takes two. Two people to work at staying interested, two people to want to be together, two people with common goals, common likes and common dislikes. TWO.
If neither of you are committed to the relationship or it has become a bother to work on it, you have your answer.
I am not sure what you are waiting for but waiting for something to happen, doesn’t make it happen or mean it will happen.
The only change you will see, is if you CHANGE it. I say do some real soul searching and figure out what you want instead of pinning it all on him, maybe then you will know whether you should stay or go.

One Tough Muther

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